Paths to gratitude

Living with chronic pain or a chronic illness isn’t easy, and it can be hard for others to fully understand what it’s like if they haven’t experienced something similar

I didn’t want to talk about how I was feeling , not even with my husband. I didn’t want to be seen as disabled, and I didn’t want people worrying about me. I didn’t want every conversation to end up being about my knee. Or how am I doing.  My daughter is a nurse and I always love talking to her,besides the regular mom and daughter conversations  she has great information on exercise, eating healthy, going at pain in a natural way, she always gives me a good outlook on things. And my granddaughter always asks how I feel when we talk she can turn any bad day into a glorious day.

I remember

There were times when I couldn’t go to work and I should have stayed home, but I went, pain and all I was going to go. My pride was to great.

I was determined not to let this pain take over my life. I knew that I was living for something greater and that with God’s help I could endure this pain. It certainly wasn’t fun many days, and didn’t always have the best attitude, but what I had was hope. Hope that a cure might be found, hope that my pain would be relieved, Hope the Drs were wrong, and hope that God would help me live with this pain regardless of the first three hopes.

This does not mean that everyone with chronic pain or a chronic illness can function on a daily basis, each chronic pain disorder or illness is different from another and it affects each person differently and to different degrees. In the beginning I had a really hard time understanding why I had this painful disorder and why God wouldn’t take it away from me. Was He testing me, did I need to prove something, did I not have enough faith for God to take it from me? It took me a while to understand that my level of faith on any given day did not correlate with God’s willingness to heal me.

I can know and believe and trust that God is who He says He is
is in CONTROL
So I started to be grateful , get focused on important things , like helping others who also share the dreadful pain of Osteonecrosis

Who knew I would be grateful for having a chronic illness called Osteonecrosis? Actually I wish I never was never diagnosed with it in the first place, but given that I am, I’m glad it has changed my life in some good ways.

Gratitude Brings Empathy, Compassion and Humility:
I have only been diagnosed for almost 2 years, but now I can very much relate. I look at things differently and can feel so much empathy for others who are suffering from chronic illnesses. Also, I now realize that just because someone looks healthy, you cannot always assume that they feel good too.
Gratitude Brings Resilience: I have learned that I can take a lot more than I thought I could and wow I have been through a lot in my life

Gratitude Inspires Service: I find peace and strength and joy in helping others

Gratitude Brings Growth: I have always been a believer but since having Osteonecrosis I have grown more as a person, I have always helped others when I could but now its a cause I am part of.

My condition is not terminal although I was told some of my bones could die and collapse.

I do recall thinking about my life when I was first diagnosed
anytime Death is used in a sentence by a doctor to describe a disease or condition scares anyone Im sure.
But its my bone that’s dying not me.
But I was so afraid,

Will I work again? Will I be in a wheel chair?
The fear of the unknown plays tricks on the mind, I had songs picked out for my funeral

I prayed and swore I was going to do everything I can to help myself and anyone else that was in the same boat.

The Osteonecrosis group I have is a great group of people, we are all flavors
we are from all over the world with a common bond we share the same disease the same pain just sadly many have the pain in multiple joints .

I feel like they are more of a family than just a support group.We really support and are there for each other.

I am so grateful for everyone in the group. I really believe this group has great things ahead of us. We do more than talk about out pain, we really raise awareness every chance we can.

Its a group of good and amazing people that come from all backgrounds, all ages and all genders,color, all faiths and opinions of religion.

But it goes to show that people all over this great amazing world are not just identified by what they look like, what they do for a living, how much money they have or dont have.
Its a bond between people in pain suffering at all levels from a disease that struck when we werent looking and are coping the best we can.

I wish everyone in this world would come together like we have.
We have such love and true compassion for each and everyone there.

I am honored to know them all.The group grows more and more sometimes I close the group because I dont want it to grow to fast that we lose that personal touch. Because I really feel this is what makes our support group stronger than so many others.

The benefits of showing and being grateful are nearly endless. People who regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they’re thankful for experience more positive emotions, feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems. And gratitude doesn’t need to be reserved only for momentous occasions: It can be things from a great message in church that touched your heart, to someone bringing you dinner, or a beautiful sunrise.

In everything I see or do I am grateful.

I think the words to this song has so many meanings, for me it’s about loss, loss of job, loss of the active life that is no longer active, God is there for all his children no matter what the loss, or accomplishment, one thing I learned is I trust God more than ever , he alone knows what I am going through. My Osteonecrosis was a result of trauma to my knee but the pain has become chronic, but I’m learning new ways to help myself.

Support groups are also so important , you build this bond  from a disease that has bound you together . It’s just amazing to me how much we truly care and respect each other.

 

 

Songs  :

Chris Tomlin – Indescribable

and

Zach Williams – Chain Breaker (Official Lyric Video)

 

 

 

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