Memoir  #MyMightyMonth Day 14

I am really writing a book on survival and inner strength when in desperate situations and also when disease hits

Fall 1984

So far I spent 4 years in this hell, damn abusive relationship, yes I said it , I am a battered woman, I’ve turned my head in denial not believing I was a “battered” woman. I didn’t get hit everyday, so I wrongly assumed that the label didn’t pertain to me. No one really  knew except a couple close friends and a few family members, not something you brag about.

He was like a wolf in Sheeps clothes.          So many thought he was a “nice” guy.     

My parents especially my mom saw it in his eyes before we even married. Why don’t we ever listen to our parents?

I guess I thought my parents were wrong 

So I married him 

I thought I hid the abuse well enough.  The bruises were usually where others couldn’t see. 
I went to work everyday and did a good job. I was 23 years old at the time. 
This man I loved vowed to spend life with who said he loved me

Was abusing me
I gave myself up, mind, body and soul to him. 

I could hardly raise my child because I lived with a time bomb

So I kept her safe at my parents home most of the time. And they did most of the parenting. Sure I paid for her private school and dance classes , skating parties etc.  I saw  her everyday. But I wasn’t “there”.  
My husband  at the time was erratic, emotional, passionate and violent. He almost killed me more than once but this one day I really thought it was it. 

When he would get violent, he’d lock all the doors hide my shoes he knew I wouldn’t leave the house like that. Especially in the fall 
We were arguing over dinner not being ready on time. 

And I was sick of taking his shit the verbal abuse and emotional abuse was worse than the physical but tonight was different 

Tonight I would almost die
After he hit me repeatedly in the head while calling me every name in the book as he was punching me 

I snapped told him he was no man, how much I hated him and I swung back and connected hard to his face. I told him I’m getting our daughter and leaving.
He looked at me with such rage he cornered me in our living room and punched and slapped me so many times then he gave me a good push

My body hit the front door and my head went through the glass

Blood was going all over dripping 

His nephew was over but ran next door to visit his grandparents (my in laws lived next door) but he heard the glass break and yelling and came running back over. 
He looked terrified when he walked in

He was yelling to get towels to my bastard of a husband 

So he did I was getting dizzy from the loss of blood

It was at that moment ,thinking if I die I will finally be free from this awful life of hell and maybe he will finally go to jail. 

But then I thought no he won’t go to jail after all I’ve called police, filed protection orders, left, and yet I get more abuse when I leave than when I stay

And who’s going to raise our daughter? Him! No way in hell was that going to happen. 

So I got myself together allowed that bastard to drive me to the local hospital ER as I hold towels on my head to try and stop all the bleeding.

All I hear is I’m sorry I don’t know why you make me hit you. 

I just thought to myself shut up,just shut the hell up before I grab your steering wheel and crash your truck.
At the hospital they knew what he did because he didn’t want me to speak at all, acting so concerned, telling them I fell through the door. 

But when they had him leave the room to stitch me up , I told them what happened.

148 stitches later: forehead sewn back on in a few spaces, head wrapped like I had brain surgery. And I have to go home with this SOB
Even after that.                                               He still never went to jail
His nephew thank god stayed at our home since our daughter was asleep 
He cleaned all the blood up washed the towels 

And I honestly feel he saved my life 
Because if he wasn’t there, I do believe I would have died that night. 

I finally divorced my 1st husband 

Joined a support group for battered women,and got my shit together. 

Eventually I ran the support group and was a shelter manager at the BPCC (Battered Persons Crisis Center)

I spoke in front of the Ohio representatives about a house bill on DV in 1989

I became an advocate and Activist and still am. 

Abused women are incredibly strong you have to be in order to survive what goes on within your home every single day. 

I will say I divorced him in 1988 and it was finalized about 20 months later
I took a few years for myself 

In 1994 I Met a wonderful kind ,loving man who represents what a real man should be
Hardworking ,respectful to women, compassionate.                                               We married in December 1995.                  He is my best friend.

Many ask why did you stay taking the blame from men

When they should ask why did you abuse her. 

To read more you will have to wait for the book coming out in late 2017. 

If you are in an abusive relationship there is help
If you are or know someone who is abused, there is help. 

24/7 PHONE SUPPORT

Trained advocates are available to take your calls through our toll free, 24/7 hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233).

http://www.thehotline.org/

#MyMightyMonth

#StopViolenceAgainstWomen

#BatteredWoman

#DomesticViolence

#Survivor

#BatteredNoMore

#MyFirstHusbandWasAnAbuser

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