Fathers Day Without Your Father. 

Being fatherless at any time can be tough. But it is interesting how a commercially driven calendar event can bring on feelings that can otherwise remain under the surface. 
This will be my 28th Father Less Fathers Day.  I was 25 when my dad died. 
Sadly I have a couple of friends who for them this will be the first since losing their own father. 
As with all aspects of grief everyone deals with things in their own way and at different times, but these calendar days are often impossible to get away from. 
After 28 years I still don’t find it easy hearing people tell me their Father’s Day plans to visit their dad or grandad. 
I always imagine everyone sitting round the family kitchen table sharing laughs,plans,stories. While I am like an adult Orphan since both my parents are gone. And I’m an only child. 

Lost Dad in 1988

Lost Mom in 2000
My orphaned self (yup, I said it) experiences of Father’s Less and Mother Less Holidays really suck.  
A few of them in particular stand out. 

I remember buying him a World’s Best Dad t-shirt .

World’s Best Dad certificate which we proudly framed and presented to him alongside a book of poems, stories and drawings I had created for him. Poems I wrote my self. 

Pass over the Pulitzer. LOL
As I got older I bought him a Christ Head Gokd necklchain which he loved
What I do remember is that every time I made these daft little gifts I really wanted to impress my dad. And he always raved about them. 
I was most certainly a daddy’s girl growing up. 
I was an only child so we did lots of things. I remembered dancing on his shoes, (I would stand upon his shoes) 

He loved sports and so did I so we’d go to basketball games baseball games. He’d haul my friends and I skating and pick us up. 

Sometimes I’d hate that as a kid.

Now I treasure those times. He fed people less fortunate and no I wasn’t allowed to sit home. 

I am glad he made me go. He and my mother taught me to be a kind giving person and to reach out to those in need. 

He also was a great example of what a good husband and father was. 

Thank you dad for that. 
Father’s Day can be a time to reflect on these memories.
If I let myself think about things for to long I feel guilty. I could have been a less mouthy teenager. More appreciative of the things my dad did. All the time. 
I hope he is celebrating Father’s Day with his father and grandfathers. 
This Father’s Day I plan to think about what I’d chat to my dad about if he was around. 

I still want to make him proud and I think that I have. 

But I can and will always remember giving him a hug as I left his hospital room when I saw him for the last time. My mother looked so sad,so scared she was loosing her best friend. 
He was getting ready for surgery.
Looking back I can tell that he knew that would be our last hug. He even wrote me a letter saying how proud he was of me, how much he loved me, and how he would always be with me. 
My dad was good and loving and kind and generous.

He loved his family and community. He was a past Grand Knight with Knights of Columbus 3930 

He fed the poor and homeless

The world was truly a better place with him in it. 
My hero my dad. 
Until we meet again. 
Song: Dance with my father by Celion Dion https://youtu.be/vqs7jvYkUR0


4 thoughts on “Fathers Day Without Your Father. 

Add yours

  1. My dad died almost 22 years ago. He died 2 days after my birthday. Since then, my birthday hasn’t been as “happy” as it used to be. I remember standing on my dads shoes and dancing too! Like your dad, mine would feed the hungry. If he saw a homeless person on the street he would take them to a restaurant and buy them a meal. So sorry for your loss….I certainly know how it feels.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. After last Friday, I am now without both of my parents. The hardest part is that I lost my mother before Thanksgiving and Christmas. Can’t imagine what that will be like coming up.


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