My family lost a good man on
01 September 2018.
I know my cousins and aunts are grieving for the loss of their father and brother and I know it’s going to be a process that everyone will go through in their own way, and in their own time.
I know this because I lost my father in 1988 he was 56. I was 25 when he died and my mother died in early 2000 at age 65 and I was 37.
Far to young for them to pass away and here I was at age 37 feeling like an orphan.
Who do I talk to now? Both parents are gone . Who can I trust my intimate thoughts without judgement.
I felt this gaping hole and loss the heartbreak was often overwhelming.
To anyone who has lost a loved one or someone who hasn’t lost a loved one yet.
I promise you, the time will come when you may think well, the grief and time length of time has passed.
So you won’t just breakdown and cry for no reason anymore.
But you are going to ride by that baseball field or golf course or smell that fragrance you knew was his or hers signature scent or see that flashing image of a family event or just the beautiful vision of a man or woman they were ,healthy , laughing carefree and your heart with full with such love and yet sorrow because you miss talking to him, you miss just sitting even if in silence with them.
You are going to feel like you did the day you got the news. That heart stopping moment you know he or she passed
But you know I promise you ,you are going to make it.
The image of your dad, your husband, your brother, your uncle , your friend.
Or mother , wife, sister aunt and friend
All the above crosses your mind and a smile comes to your lips before a tear to your eye.
What is beautiful is when you are asleep and they come to you in your sleep. It’s so comforting yet you also feel the loss for a moment. But when you see them in your dreams they are happy healthy and it just is very comforting.
I know and I want you to know that your loved ones will never leave you. They I believe are all around us.
You ,are the living legacy, living proof of your loved ones success.
You need to think about all the good they have done and incorporate that in your own lives.
I understand that when our loved ones pass away
It’s like you don’t know how to catch your breathe.
It’s like being sucked into a black hole inside your chest, and it’s frightening,but even though you feel alone you are not. I promise you ,you are not alone.
Learning to Deal With Loss
Coping With Loss
The loss of a loved one is life’s most stressful event and can cause a major emotional crisis.
After the death of someone you love, you experience Bereavement, which literally means “to be deprived by death.”
Knowing What to Expect
When a death takes place, you may experience a wide range of emotions, even when the death is expected. Many people report feeling an initial stage of numbness after first learning of a death, but there is no real order to the grieving process. Some emotions you may experience include:
These feelings are normal and common reactions to loss.
You may not be prepared for the intensity and duration of your emotions or how swiftly your moods may change.
You may even begin to doubt the stability of your mental health. But be assured that these feelings are healthy and appropriate and will help you come to terms with your loss.
Remember: It takes time to fully absorb the impact of a major loss.
You never stop missing your loved one, but the pain eases after time and allows you to go on with your life.
Mourning A Loved One
It is not easy to cope after a loved one dies. You will mourn and grieve. Mourning is the natural process you go through to accept a major loss.
Mourning may include religious traditions honoring the person who passed or gathering with friends and family to share your loss.
Mourning is personal and may last for months or years.You cannot rush the grieving process.
Grieving is the outward expression of your loss. Your grief is likely to be expressed physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
For instance, crying is a physical expression, while depression is a psychological expression.
It is very important to allow yourself to express these feelings. Often, death is a subject that is avoided, ignored or denied.
At first it may seem helpful to separate yourself from the pain, but you cannot avoid grieving forever.
Someday those feelings will need to be resolved or they may cause physical or emotional illness.
Many people report physical symptoms that accompany grief. Stomach pain, loss of appetite, intestinal upsets, sleep disturbances and loss of energy are all common symptoms of acute grief. Of all life’s stresses, mourning can seriously test your natural defense systems.
Existing illnesses may worsen or new conditions may develop.
Profound emotional reactions may occur. These reactions include anxiety attacks, chronic fatigue, depression and thoughts of suicide. An obsession with the deceased is also a common reaction to death.
Living with Grief
Coping with death is vital to your mental health. It is only natural to experience grief when a loved one dies. The best thing you can do is allow yourself to grieve. There are many ways to cope effectively with your pain.
Seek out caring people. Find relatives and friends who can understand your feelings of loss.
Join support groups with others who are experiencing similar losses.
Express your feelings. Tell others how you are feeling; it will help you to work through the grieving process.
Take care of your health. Maintain regular contact with your family physician and be sure to eat well and get plenty of rest. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.
Accept that life is for the living. It takes effort to begin to live again in the present and not dwell on the past.
Postpone major life changes. Try to hold off on making any major changes, such as moving, remarrying, changing jobs or having another child. You should give yourself time to adjust to your loss.
Be patient with yourself and others . It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.
Seek outside help when necessary. If your grief seems like it is too much to bear, seek professional assistance to help work through your grief. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek help. There is no shame in seeking help.
I understand how you feel and I wanted you to know that grief isn’t something the goes away in a few days.
It’s a process.
I love you and I am here for you.