Holidays without a mother father or both.
My mom has been gone for almost 20 years now. And 31 years without my father
I’ve gone through a lot of firsts without my parents
I have survived the 2 times that didn’t even seem imaginable the death of my mom and dad
My mom and dad loved all holidays but especially Christmas .
The baking and shopping decorating and cooking wrapping presents entertaining she loved it all. And she was good at it. She made it all look so easy.
My dad was a shopper and a wrapper and he always remembered to help and donate his time and money and volunteer in our community .
His project was helping the homeless and the working poor the people who struggled to eat or buy their medication is who he wanted to help.
He was not a rich man but lived a rich life and I knew I was loved.
He was a truly great man and human being.
When the holidays roll around I feel the absence of my mother and father.
I can hear my dad singing still.And I smell moms perfume and dads cologne.
If you’ve lost a parent or both , I bet you do too.
Sometimes, the absence feels like a dull empty feeling .
Things that were once bright and exciting, like putting up the Christmas decorations, can feel muffled. But it had gotten easier over the years.
For the first couple years , the pain of missing my mother especially felt so intense it felt as like I was just slammed and punched in the gut not able to breathe.
But I did muddle through, the way we all do with our lives and longings. The way you have to do when a person you love deeply isn’t there to fill their place at the holiday table.
If you’re missing your special person this holiday season, please know I understand . And I am truly sorry for your loss. And it was a great loss.
It’s OK to feel a bit deflated. It’s OK to feel an ache. Just don’t let that consume you.
You will laugh and celebrate the holidays again when you’re ready.
Just try not to get in that grief rut.
And when you’re ready you can think about what kinds of traditions you want going forward.
You can decide when the time is right to begin them.
And if you feel like that little boy or girl at the day care, crying for his mom
You are not alone
I understand you.
I am you.
I was you
A lot of us are.